Catching up on Tivo – watched the Last Templar. I’m a sucker for all this templar/grail quest bullshit and will lap it up any chance I get. The fact that this made for TV gem also stars the lovely Mira Sorvino - who I have the best unshareable story in the world about - was a huge plus. What the hell happened to her career! Mighty Aphrodite and boinking Quentin Tarantino one minute to making the first movie I had ever seen receive a 0 star rating from the highly sophisticated Philadelphia Inquirer movie review section and “taking on” such premium quality made for TV fare such as the Last Templar. At least it was a two night “event” feature!
I am quite shocked that this movie made it on to TV. It was atrocious and could not have possibly been worse. It co-starred that RA from Felicity who is now keeping it real on the Unit putting up with the worst wife in TV history – Kim Brown, I would face punch you if you existed in real life! I am not one of these uppity people that calls a movie a “film” and I definitely am not crushing the indie film circuit, but I will say that I do require a certain level of acting. Now this scale slides a bit based on hotness – for example, I put up with season 1 of Smallville because Lana Lang aka Kristin Kreuk was an 18 month monster crush for me –
but in this turd, you’ve got an old Mira Sorvino who looks like she’s been crushing the leg press machine and getting her face skin pulled back!
The coup de grace of this travesty had to be one of the worst sex scenes of all time in the deserts of Turkey. It was horrible. I have put up with a lot of bad scenes in my day – it’s inevitable if you’ve watched enough Skinemax – but this was truly awful. It was totally forced and you could tell that the RA from Felicity wanted nothing to do with it – clearly, he’s not a fan of MILF hunter because he wanted nothing to do with that old bag Mira Sorvino!
Come on TV, you’re better than this!
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