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Sark Spotting!

Was watching “Lie to Me” on the interwebs today – real bummer that I can’t help their Nielsen ratings, I love the show, but they are programmed against “Life” and “Lost,” talk about a Kobayashi Maru – and the FMBD shot off an alert flare when I realized that the rapist in the army was none other than Julian Sark from Alias! Your buzz cut can’t fool me Mr – are times this bad that you’re taking bit roles as a rapist? At least you had that sweet gig as Adam Munroe on Heroes last year – you’re better than this Sark!

Where are you hot Jennifer Garner of season 1 and 2 of Alias? I think I saw her wearing mom jeans on one of the gossip sites a few weeks ago. B’oh.

Rocktastic Anniversary

Well, it’s the one year anniversary of one of my favorite stupid achievements of all time! There was a 6 week period of my life where I was totally obsessed with being the best band in Rockband in the world on XBL. My brother and I are both excellent Guitar Hero players and we decided that we were going to invest the time to hit the top of the leader board. The problem of course is that both of us have full time jobs and were going up against deadbeats and college kids that had nothing better to do than play RockBand full time.

 

But we defeated them. Fueled by buckets of KFC and the associated KFC gravy, we approached it like a weekend job and pounded out 18 hour days to zoom up the leader boards. As you can imagine, KFC grease and “built to break” plastic guitars were not a good mix – we went through 5 guitars in 6 weeks – but it was worth it as we broke into the top 10. Then, one fateful night a year ago, we finally took over the #2 spot after some serious work.

 

 

Unfortunately, we didn’t have the stomach to grind through what it would have taken to get to #1 (I know, weak) and we retired on the spot.

 

What made it even worse was that the group that had the #1 spot was then featured in Game Informer a month later. Those losers could have been us! Burn.

Saturday Night Puke

SNL is shit. I know people got excited with all the Palin stuff earlier this year, but let’s be honest – that had nothing to do with SNL and everything to do with the Genius aka Tina Fey. Lorne Michaels is playing a fantastic shell game, using his stars to cross promote his turds – well played you Canadian bastard!

 

I have gotten to the point where I can watch an episode of SNL in about 12 minutes. About 15 seconds into any sketch, I know if we have an abortion on our hands and quickly move on. The only constants are the Digital Shorts which I will always watch (the Blake Lively small penis sketch this season with pothead James Franco was outrageous! )and the Weekend Updates which still have some good writing. The best part about the Weekend Updates this year has been the emergence of the Governor Patterson character. In a word: fantastic.

 

The key to the bit is three fold: a) he hates New Jersey, b) he knows he’s a former cokehead scumbag, c) he’s blind! The blind part is the most exciting part for me because the audience goes nuts when they make blind jokes. Why is this exciting for me? Well, it means the era of making fun of people is BACK! If you can make fun of blind people, then it means you can start making fun of retarded people, which then means you can start making fun of races again – and at the end of the day, that shit is the funniest stuff on TV!

 

Do you remember when Mike Myers and Dana Carvey used to dress up as Japanese businessmen and then make jokes about lazy black Americans? It was fucking hilarious! Everyone has gotten so PC that it’s ruined comedy. Maybe this is the beginning of a new golden age of comedy – could we be seeing our generations’ version of Gung Ho? You know Gung Ho starring Michael Keaton – just ripped every Japanese stereotype out of the park, but in a good way, not the Mr. Baseball way where it made us look like jerks!